Reflections of a single parent

I was at dinner with one of my close friends the other day. She was starting a new course that required her to interview some of her friends and so she had some targeted questions for me.

One of her questions, “What could I mentor someone else in, and it would be easy?”

Naturally, we asked each other the same questions.

It was fun.

Her answer to my question surprised me. She said that I would be a good mentor to single moms. Her answer took me by surprise. I’m not sure why.

I guess I think of myself as someone who supports people with their health - but I don’t often think of myself as a single mom - though I have been - and still am.

My daughter is now 18 and I feel like those days of being a single parent struggling with the educational, nutritional, spiritual, financial and emotional responsibilities of raising another human are coming to a close.

I will always be a mom and I am so grateful for that.

I love being a mother to my daughter and I love that I got - and still get to have the experience of it all. However, my daughter now lives with her father when she is not in university and is carving out her own place in the world as we speak! (as I write this).

It feels like lifetimes ago that I was taking her to the park and filming her impromptu dance sessions, funny jokes and thoughtful stories.

I miss those times. I miss her during those times. I miss us - my gorgeous little wise daughter who suddenly got very hungry or chatty just as I was putting her to bed. I remember baking brownies, planning birthdays, stories about little boys and little girls and teachers and characters. I remember the time she told me that I was her best friend (swoon).

I used to do this thing when she was little. After a bath or before bed when we were playing around - I would ask her “how old are you?” and let her answer me “I’m 3 years old!” “I’m 4!!!!” “I’m 5!” And so on … Just so I could try and hold on to the moment - so I could imprint the joy of the moment in my head and my heart - for moments like this that I knew would come …

I wanted so much to hold on to those moments.

Being a parent, single or in a relationship isn’t easy … it can be Joyful, Heartbreaking, The Best Adventure of Your Life - but it isn’t easy.

Mentor someone - maybe. If I did, it would be on how to care for yourself so you can care for another.

I think that is probably one of my biggest lessons from the last 20 years - caring for myself in a way that allows me to be present for another.

Self love, self care, keeping your sanity as a single parent. Yup - I guess I could mentor someone in that.